Part 3 of a three part series.

If you happened to miss part 1 find it here.

If you happened to miss part 2 find it here.

Information gained from Nicholas Boothman’s, “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less.”

Establishing Rapport

Whether you’re trying to have another oblige to your requests, make a sale, or get a date, you need to establish rapport. In our interpersonal communications, we go through certain routines when we first meet a new person. If these routines work out and rapport is established, we can begin to deliver our communication with some certainty that it will be accepted and given serious consideration. Serious consideration is vital because the fundamental outcome of rapport is the perception of credibility, which in turn will lead to mutual trust. Let that sink in, “the fundamental outcome of rapport is the perception of credibility.” As a social engineer, that’s what it’s all about!

“Research has shown that we have approximately 90 seconds to make a favorable impression when we first meet someone. What happens in those 90 seconds can determine whether we succeed or fail at achieving rapport. In fact, frequently we have even less than 90 seconds.”

Natural Rapport

We are more comfortable around people that we can be ourselves around; people that are similar to us. When we can create a bond or “be part of the group”, we feel at ease. When somebody likes us, or is similar to us, or has the same hobbies / interests, we instantly like that person more. We think, “if that person likes me or likes the same things I do, then he / she must be a good person.” We call this tribe mentality and when it comes down to it, all humans want to be a member of “the tribe”.

People with common interests have natural rapport. As Boothman states, “the reason you get along so well with your close friends is that you have similar interests, similar opinions, and maybe even similar ways of doing things. We are social animals and thrive in community. It’s far more “normal” and even logical for people to get along with one another than it is for them to argue, fight, and not get along. The irony is that society has conditioned us to be afraid of each other – to set up boundaries between ourselves and others. We live in a society that pretends to find its unity through love but in actuality finds it through fear. Natural rapport is important for our sanity, our evolution and our survival.”

Rapport By Chance

Chance encounters happen to us on almost a daily basis. Rapport by chance has most certainly happened to each and every one of us. An example of when rapport by chance happened to myself was when I was traveling abroad by myself shortly after graduating from college. Perhaps you have traveled abroad and might relate.

For the first week or so I went about my days with minimal human interaction. When you are abroad in a country where people don’t speak your language and you don’t speak theirs, it seems to be a lot of effort to try and communicate. You feel a little uncomfortable when you can’t be understood. As those initial days went by, I found myself wishing I could meet someone that I could actually feel comfortable with.

Then about a week or so in, I went to visit Edinburgh, Scotland. I took a night train from London and I arrived in Edinburgh early in the morning just as the sun was coming up. In Edinburgh, about a mile or so from the train station there is a big hill and at the top is Arthur’s Seat. So, I made the mile or so walk up to Arthur’s Seat.

I was up on top of Arthur’s Seat when another guy that looked about the same age approached wearing a Minnesota Golden Gophers hoodie. Now, when you are abroad, it is not out of the norm to see American sports team apparel on individuals that are not actually from the States. But the teams you are seeing are teams like the Yankees or Lakers, not the Minnesota Golden Gophers. So instantly, I felt a connection with this individual and we became friends just as quick. All because him and I were a member of a similar tribe and rapport was made.

Rapport By Design

This is social engineering. When we set out to establish rapport by design, we purposely reduce the distance and differences between another person and ourselves by finding common ground. Rapport by design is established by deliberately altering your behavior, in order to become like the other person with a goal in mind. This goal can be establishing a friendship, a customer, or getting the individual to comply with a request.

“As you meet and greet new people, your ability to establish rapport will depend on four things: your attitude, your ability to “synchronize” certain aspects of behavior like body language and voice tone, your conversation skills and your ability to discover which sense (Visual, Auditory, or Kinesthetic) the other person relies on most. Once you become adept in these four areas, you will be able to quickly connect and establish rapport with anyone you choose at any time.”

Article written by: Chad Gutschenritter

Check out: Nicholas Boothman’s, “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less.”