Part two of a three part series.

If you happened to miss Part 1, find it here.

Information gained from Nicholas Boothman’s, “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less.”

The Greeting

As a social engineer, we tend to call the initial few seconds of contact “the bump”. But let’s switch that up and call these first few seconds “the greeting”. When meeting another individual by chance or in the case of a social engineering engagement, by design, you must master this phase. Correct body language is an absolute must during this stage and is the most important aspect of the greeting.

“Your body doesn’t know how to lie. Unconsciously, with no directions from you, it transmits your thoughts and feelings in a language of its own to the bodies of other people, and those bodies understand the language perfectly. Any contradictions in the language can interrupt the development of rapport.”

In 1967, Albert Mehrabian, professor emeritus of psychology at UCLA, carried out one of, if not the most, widely quoted studies on communication. He determined that believability depends on the consistency, or congruity, of three aspects of communication.

In a paper titled “Decoding of Inconsistent Communication,” Mehrabian reported the percentages of a message expressed through our different communication channels in this way: 55% of what we respond to takes place visually (body language); 38% of what we respond to is the sound of communication; and 7% of what we respond to involves the actual words we use. Professor Mehrabian called these the three “V’s” of communication: the visual, the vocal, and the verbal.

Professor Mehrabian expressed how body language accounts for 55% of communication. But during the greeting stage, it accounts for much more! In Nicholas Boothman’s book, How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, he talks about how the greeting can be broken into five parts: Open, Eye, Beam, Hi, and Lean. These five actions constitute a welcoming program to carry out during those first few seconds.

Open:

The first part of the greeting is to open your attitude and your body. When Boothman talks about opening your attitude, he is referencing what he calls A Really Useful Attitude. “No matter what you do or where you live, the quality of your attitude determines the quality of your relationships – not to mention just about everything else in your life”.

In face-to-face situations your attitude precedes you. It is the central force in your life – it controls the quality and appearance of everything you do. In life there are a ton of things that are outside of your control, but your attitude is something that you can control and there is beauty in that.

Your attitude will be seen and felt by any and every person you encounter so ensure that you are showing a really useful attitude. Examples of really useful attitudes: warm, enthusiastic, confident, welcoming, engaging, cheery, supportive, and it goes without saying – there are countless more.

When meeting another individual, it is important that you take the stance that the individual you are meeting is going to like you and you are going to like this individual. Think it into existence.

Now that you have an open attitude, open your body language. Once you have begun to converse with the individual, ensure that you are displaying openness. Keep your heart aimed directly at the person you’re meeting. Don’t cover your heart with your hands or arms, and when possible, unbutton your jacket or coat.

Note that I said, “once you have begun to converse with the individual”, and even then, this must be done when appropriate. At times, opening up and directly aiming your body to the individual too soon can lead to the individual feeling threatened. This can be shown visually on the face of the individual or by the individual leaning or taking a step back. If the individual opens up and aims their body / heart directly to you, this is a good sign that you can do the same and you should. 

Eye:

“Eye contact is real contact”. The second part of the greeting involves your eyes. Be the first with eye contact. Look the individual directly in the eyes. Let your eyes reflect your really useful attitude. Note that it’s important to not be weird about this and make uncomfortable or obnoxious eye contact.

Beam:

Be the first to smile. Let your smile reflect your really useful attitude. This means that you are giving them a real, authentic, smile. This type of smile is what I like to call – smiling with your eyes. Smiling is the number one nonverbal technique you should utilize to look more accommodating. A genuine smile goes a long way in developing rapport.

Smiling is a universal sign that someone is happy. It conveys a message that you are not dangerous and asks people to accept you on a personal level and smiling is contagious. When you smile to someone, it makes them reciprocate by returning the smile. According to some scientists, there is a neuron that affects part of the brain that is responsible for recognition of faces and facial expressions and this neuron causes the mirroring reaction when you see smiling (or frowning) faces. People are attracted to smiling faces because it affects their autonomic nervous system. When you see a smiling face, you smile, and as a result, endorphins are released into your own system and you begin to feel good.

Hi:

Whether it’s “Hi!” or “Hello!” or even “Yo!” say it with pleasing tonality and attach your own name to it (“Hi! I’m Jack!”). As with the smile and the eye contact, be the first to identify yourself when possible. It is at this point, and as you can see, within only a few seconds, that you are in a position to gather tons of information about the person you’re meeting – information that you can put to good use later in the conversation.

Lean:

The final part of introducing yourself is the “lean”. This action can be an almost imperceptible forward tilt to very subtly indicate your interest and openness as you can now begin to “synchronize” the person you’ve just met.

Along the same lines as the body lean is the head tilt with a slightly lower chin angle. This minimal tilt of the head, exposing one side of the neck, shows the person that you have comfort with them and trust them. The slightly lower chin angle will make the person feel more comfortable. High chin angles can give the impression that you are looking down at the individual, coming off that you are aloof or better than them.

In Part 3, we discuss ways to establish rapport, the differences between natural rapport, rapport by chance, and rapport by design, and more. Stay tuned.

>Part 3

Article written by: Chad Gutschenritter