Part one of a three part series.

Information gained from Nicholas Boothman’s, “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less.”

There are three main parts to connecting with other people: meeting, establishing rapport, and communicating. There is no set start and stop to each, and you will not think to yourself that you have completed the meeting phase and now you are moving into the establishing rapport phase, instead, these three parts to connecting with people are fluid and tend to overlap; the goal is to make them as natural and easy as possible.

Obviously, connecting with another person will begin as you meet the individual and this can be by design or chance. Sometimes you meet another person by chance – the woman sitting next to you at the bar who turns out to like the same drink as you or the man at the gym who is training for the same 5K as you. And sometimes it’s by design / choice – the woman from your friends work that your friend introduced you to because you both love the Yankees, triathlons, and Game of Thrones.

As Nicholas Boothman says in, How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, “If meeting is the physical coming together of two or more people, then communicating is what we do from the moment we are fully aware of another’s presence. And between these two events – meeting and communicating – lies the 90-second land of rapport that links them together.”

Rapport is the establishment of common ground, of a comfort zone where two or more people can mentally join together. Rapport is the lubricant that allows social exchanges to flow smoothly. When you gain rapport, you have gained the others trust and positive acceptance and this allows the conversation to continue smoothly. Rapport is the other individual thinking, “I know I just met you, but I like you so I will trust you with my attention.” Sometimes rapport just happens by itself and sometimes you have to give it a hand but when you get it right, the communicating can begin. Get it wrong, and you will be in for an uphill battle. But as mentioned above, you can’t enter into the 90-second land of rapport without first meeting the individual.

The Meeting

“If you make the right impression during the first three or four seconds of a new meeting, you create an awareness that you are sincere, safe and trustworthy, and the opportunity to go further and create rapport will present itself.”

Now, you might be thinking to yourself that three or four seconds sounds like an extremely short amount of time, but it really isn’t. As human beings we are constantly making judgments and forming opinions, and this is especially true when we come into direct contact with another. This is part of human nature and it helps to protect us.

When we meet another or when we are in the presence of another, we are constantly assessing the individual and making sure that the individual is not a threat. This fight or flight response that we all experience many times a day without even bringing our attention to it is what helps to keep us safe.

This is also why first impressions truly are so important. If another deems you as a threat, then you might as well just move on. Your attempt to move from the meeting phase and into communication will be next to impossible as you will not enter the 90-second land of rapport. So, what are some strategies that we can use to minimize the chance that we come off in a threatening manner?

> Part 2

Article written by: Chad Gutschenritter

Tagged social engineering